Saying Good-bye to Peter Pan

I have a confession to make: I get upset, tired, and angry from time to time.

The other day I had a heated discussion with my mom (ok, it was more of a one-sided rant) with me going on and on and on about how terribly miserable I am and how difficult my life is. (I'm sorry to admit that I say stuff like that.)

Then my mom said three words that no child in the history of mankind has EVER wanted to hear from a parent: "Then move out."

I froze. "What?"

"Move out." She went on to say that she didn't exactly mean "Pack your things and get out of this house right now if you don't like it here. Good luck making it on your own." She didn't mean that at all.

She meant that I am pitifully dependent on my family...for pretty much everything.

I'm seventeen, and my habitat has been about the same as it has been since I was ten years old. My parents drive me everywhere, because I do not have a license. I can't go anywhere without having a family meeting and looking at our entire schedule. I can never say, "Hey, I'm going out of the house for a little while," unless I'm going to walk the dog, go for a run, or ride my bike...in the neighborhood.

I hardly ever go anywhere by myself because I usually go to events that my parents have planned for the whole family. Probably the only places that I go voluntarily are the gym, the library, school, church, and youth group. But then, I can't go to any of those places (except the library) without someone driving me (and then a family member usually attends those places with me). I'm at home a lot because I haven't been getting a driver's license so I can go to community college or get a job so I can make friends with classmates and co-workers.

This is my life right now, and the truth is: I've never really been bothered by it until now. I've always been comfortable following my family around like a dog on a leash, being driven everywhere, never having to worry about leaving the house.

My entire life is the definition of DEPENDENCE when my growth as a teenager demands that I find INDEPENDENCE. This doesn't mean rebelling against my parents, it doesn't mean "looking out for #1," or deciding that I'm right and everyone else is wrong.

It means deciding how I want to make an impact in the world, making decisions for myself, learning my own life lessons, and taking steps toward surviving as an individual under God...leaving childhood behind and becoming an adult.

Friends, this is a terrifying mission to accept.

Do you know how birds learn to fly? Young birds spend the beginning of their lives being fed by their mother and never leaving the nest. All they know is that tiny confined space consisting entirely of little sticks, cotton, and leaves. All they know is life with the other birds in their family. When the bird is ready to fly, do you know what happens?

It's quite fascinating: the mother starts to push her child out of the nest. And I don't mean a little shove to say, "If you want, you can go." No! I mean, the mother flaps her wings uncontrollably, kicking and pushing that little bird out of that nest. That's not saying "Hey, if you want, go ahead." That is saying, "Go. Go. Go now. GO! Fly, it's time. Right now. Ready, go!!!"

You know how that little bird responds at first, "What are you doing? Stop! It's too high! I can't! Please, I don't want to go. I'm scared!" Then finally, the mother gives one last push, and this story can have one of two endings: 1) either the bird decides not to fly and falls to the ground, hopeless, and in a lot of cases, dead; or 2) the bird starts to flap its wings and flies away--it soars in the air, leaving its dependence on its family behind, and discovering independence.

The process of independence is a little different for human beings, because leaving the nest and growing up doesn't traditionally happen within a few minutes. One thing I do know now is that I have to stop refusing to grow up, like Peter Pan. It's a great thing to accept adulthood--after all, most of my life will be spent as an adult--that is, if I decide to leave childhood behind. I think growing up will be a great adventure--an adventure that Peter Pan was too afraid to experience.

It will probably be another year or two before I leave my parents' house. I still have to graduate high school, I still need to get a driver's license, I still need to get a job, and find an ambition with which to glorify God (some people call that pursuing a career, but I think an ambition is more than that [this topic may be another blog post in and of itself]).

Now is the time where I begin taking the steps to accepting the challenge of growing up. It's the time where God writes the final pages of this first chapter of my life. Now is when He helps me figure out what's next.

Yes, the words "move on," "move out," "time to grow up," and "leave the nest" are terrifying.

On the other hand, I hear these strong words from God and the people who are ready to support me and cheer me on as I accept the daring challenge of grasping independence:

"You are ready. It's time to fly."

 "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

--1 Corinthians 13:9-13

Photo Credit: http://cartoonsimages.com/sites/default/files/field/image/waltdisney.jpg

Welcome to the Twilight Zone: A Metaphor Based on My Experience at "The Tower of Terror"

Disclaimer: This is a post about one of the experiences I had at my Disney World vacation last summer. If you've been waiting for a post like this one, this is the chance to start reading. 

However, if you're bothered by spoilers or long articles, this might be a post to skip. 

While I do make some exaggerations in this article for humor and descriptions, I'm not trying to make everyone believe that The Tower of Terror is the worst ride ever, or that no one should ride it. 

I think it's a great experience for everyone, even though I didn't enjoy riding it the first time.

I'll also be sure to write about other fun experiences I had at Disney that will not be long, spooky, or have spoilers! :)

Life as a student in the month of May is a lot like the experience of riding "The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror" at a Disney park. In other words, "terror" definitely warrants the name.

The Tower of Terror reminds me a lot about what the month of May is like for high school/college students. So, I'm going to walk you guys through the first time I rode the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror ride and how it's a metaphor for my life right now as a student.

So you're walking in to this condemned place, feeling all jittery and excited like: "Oh my goodness, this is going to be a fun ride!" But I'm not a normal person, so I was interviewing everyone in my family who has ridden the ride before:
"Are you sure it's not scary?"
"My word, this is a tall building!"
"Is this even safe?"
"Ummm, why are there screaming people in the open window under the hotel sign?"
That's right, dear readers, the people who are currently on the ride are clearly visible and screaming looking out of an open window of this condemned, creepy building. And then the window mysteriously closes....
"Hey Mom, I don't know if I want to go on this ride."
Dad says, "Don't be ridiculous, it'll be fun."
Right. Of course. This is Disney World after all. Nothing to worry about.

Anyway, you finally get into the part of the line where you're inside of this creep-o place, and your first glance when you walk through the doors looks like this:

Yeah....is anybody else noticing that there are NO guests walking around the lobby of this hotel?
Is anybody else checking out the uncanny amount of cobwebs in this room?
Has the health department ever known about this?
And the question that of course, I'm thinking is: Why in the world am I still here?
Oh that's right, it's a Disney World ride...moving on. (At this point my dad is excitedly pointing out all of the special effects, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going insane, or if I'm totally overreacting for no good reason.)

• Student-life metaphor: You've been at school for a long time now (kind of like how you've been in line for a long time) and things were going pretty ok all year. It's been exciting and scary, but you've been doing really well. You start to think, "hmm, this is getting kind of creepy, maybe I should start preparing for the worst now" but of course, if you struggle with chronic procrastination like I do, you're not going to be thinking about preparing for the worst now, because you're being distracted (kind of like the absence of hotel guests and amount of cobwebs in the lobby). And...you just wait until the worst does come. It can't be that bad...

You walk in to this chamber of darkness and old books, and an old television set in the corner of the wall magically turns on and guess what program we're about to watch? The Twilight Zone! Cool, you've heard of this show! Hmm, never seen this episode before...

Rod Serling shows up on the screen and says,  "You unlock this door with the key of imagination, beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into . . . The Twilight Zone." Wow, this is going to be a good episode.

"Hollywood, 1939. Amidst the glitz and the glitter of a bustling young movie talent at the height of its golden age, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was a star in its own right..." Hey! That's the hotel we're in right now! Wait a minute... Are we in a Twilight Zone episode?
"The time is now, on an evening very much like the one we have just witnessed. Tonight's story on The Twilight Zone is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction. This, as you may recognize, is a maintenance service elevator, still in operation, waiting for you. We invite you, if you dare, to step aboard because in tonight's episode you are the star. And this elevator travels directly to...The Twilight Zone." Oh goodness. We're in a Twilight Zone episode. I guess I like The Twilight Zone, but I have NEVER wanted to be a part of it!

• Student-life metaphor: Things are starting to pick up now. A little more stressful, some things are still familiar, but your teachers and assignments are now surprising you a lot like how the familiar storyteller Rod Sterling is surprising you with your participation in an episode of a story that you really DO NOT want to participate in. A storm is brewing, but you're still paralyzed by all of the surprises.

The creepy bellhop that led us into the library is kicking us out of the room because the video is finished, and we are now being led into a boiler room...getting in line to go on some really creepy elevators.

You look down right next to you, which happens to be right where the elevator generator is, and uh...there's sparks coming out of it, and...let's just say it's seen better days.

This is Disney World. I'll be safe. It's fine.

You're up. Time to get into the elevator. (I was sitting in the far back row on the left between my grandpa and my mom.) Thank goodness there are seat belts on this thing, and you immediately make the decision to buckle up, because you'll take any safety precaution you can get at this point.

Another bellhop checks to make sure that you're all buckled up and safe, she says some obvious safety stuff like hold on to the arm rests, don't unbuckle, and good luck.
Thanks, bellhop. Luck is exactly what I need right now...not.

• Student-life metaphor: This is the part of the school year where you know you're about to take your last steps, if you will, and the rest is the ride to the finish. It's a little scary. You know that this ride is about to take you to summer and no homework and everything you've been waiting for all year long. But it's also a ride that takes you to final exams, missing your friends, finishing up every last assignment down to the last minute. But you're not giving up now. You're getting on this ride. The only thing that anyone can do is to wish you luck and make sure you buckle up.

The doors to the elevator close. Here we go...

All of a sudden you hear Rod Serling's voice: "You are the passengers on a most uncommon elevator about to ascend into your very own episode of The Twilight Zone."
Oh boy. You can feel the elevator rising and all of a sudden, you can see down a long hotel corridor, and some ghosts say hi. Well, actually they don't really say hi, they wave at you...and wait a second, are they inviting you to come with them?

• Student-life metaphor: These ghosts kind of remind me of the college students who talk about how miserable their life is during their final exams and end of the year stuff, because their end of the year always comes before we do. Those poor students always remind me that I'm about to go through the same difficulty very soon.

Lightning flashes, the ghosts are gone. Good thing too, because they were starting to freak you out.
Then the hallway disappears. All that's left is the window at the end.
What's going on here?
You see some really pretty stars and darkness, and then the window begins to move...
It quickly evolves into the window from the opening of the Twilight Zone--and the window shatters!

Stuff just got real.

Rod Sterling's back: "One stormy night long ago, five people stepped in the door of an elevator and into a nightmare. That door is opening once again and this time, it's opening for you."

Two words go through your head: Oh, crud.

KAPLAM! The elevator plummets (on my ride, the first drop was all fifty feet. The absolute lowest it can drop). It goes SO fast, that your bottom starts to come up off of the seat, only to be stopped by your seat belt (I told you those seat belts would be a blessing). You hold onto those armrests for dear life, close your eyes, and don't open them up again until you know you're safe.

The elevator rises and falls, rises and falls. Now, windows are starting to open up when you rise, and then drop. You can see the whole park from those windows--not that I would know, because my eyes were completely shut and my head was down the entire time.

My grandpa kept trying to take my hand when we were near the window and said, "Look up! It's great! Look up!" My only response was keeping my eyes shut and my head down, as I shook my head "nuh-uh, I can't. No way."

• Student-life metaphor: You get hit hard with reality. Yes, you're coming to the very end, but your life is at its highest stress level that it's ever been. The best way you can handle it is to keep your head down, keep moving, keep studying, finish what you can, and don't stop until the last day of school is over. Each day feels like a harder and harder challenge to make it to the end. Fortunately, you have people with you trying to get you to enjoy the ride as you're trying to get to the end, but sadly, sometimes we still keep our heads down, and miss some of the good things.

Up and down, up and down, up and down. You're starting to worry for your life, it's so scary. You're even praying when you can. Up and down, up and down, up and down.

You finally go up and then come back down for the last time. It's over. You can open your eyes now. You're taking deep breaths. You're alive!!!

Rod Sterling's back again. Where was he when we were plummeting 50 feet?
"A warm welcome back to those of you who made it--"
Gee, thanks.
"--and a friendly word of warning, something you won't find in any guidebook: the next time you check into a deserted hotel on the dark side of Hollywood, make sure you know just what kind of vacancy you're filling, or you may find yourself a permanent resident...of The Twilight Zone."

One of the first things you get to see before you exit is the picture of you "enjoying" the ride....or screaming your head off.

I still remember my picture on The Tower of Terror. As I said before, I was sitting in between my mom and my grandpa. They were holding my hands as I had my head down facing my knees, and eyes completely shut. Everyone in my family was saying, "Hey look! It looks like Hayley's praying!"
My response: "I was!!!"

• Student-life metaphor: It's the last day of school and life is looking up for a change. Everyone is congratulating you, and maybe in some cases, you're graduating! You're looking back on the last few weeks, and the only thing that you can say is "Thank goodness I made it out alive." You get a whole 3 months before you'll have to experience anything like this again, but in the meantime, you can enjoy summer vacation. Hooray!

As my family and I were walking out of Tower of Terror about to move on to the next ride, I ran up to my dad and started talking about how SUPER SCARY that ride was. Who knows why, but he began to explain why Tower of Terror is his favorite ride, and you begin to wonder why people volunteer to get on a ride that will make you so stressed and terrified.

• Student-life metaphor: Have you ever wondered why people volunteer to put themselves through high school and college, often willing to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars that will take their whole lives to pay off? Yet, when we think of school, we groan at the thought of it, remembering how difficult and scary it is?

On the ride home from our second day at Disney World, I looked at an advertisement billboard for Tower of Terror, and I looked at my mom and said, "You know, it's a good feeling when you conquer your fear by doing something that you didn't want to do. I can now say to myself that I rode a really dark, tall, and scary ride for the first time."

• Student-life metaphor: One of the things that an education provides is being able to conquer our fears, and train ourselves to do hard things that we normally wouldn't ever want to do. For example, I'm about to finish a pre-calculus class, which was beyond a doubt one of the hardest classes I've ever had to pass. But even though I'm going to remember how much I struggled, I'm also going to remember how good I will feel when I finish it. And hopefully, I will remember the times where I worked as hard as I possibly could to conquer that fear and difficulty, and how it was all for the improvement of my mind and soul, and for the glory of God.

I know that many of you are about to enter finals or summer vacation, and I hope you all remember during this time that God is always there to help you and strengthen you, and that while something may be difficult and scary, the reward of conquering it is indescribable.

Another moral of the story is to not go exploring in creepy, abandoned hotels...
Unless, of course, they're at Disney World. :)

Questions for the Reader: Did you have any super scary and difficult classes this year? Have you ever been to a Disney park? Have you ever ridden a really scary ride like Tower of Terror? (Please tell me all about it in the comments, I love reading your stories!)

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 
--2 Corinthians 10:3-5

The 30 Day Blog Challenge, Day 12: A Day in the Life (As Promised)

I promised that I would publish a "day in the life" blog post as a result of a poll I did a few months back....and I never got around to it. But today, I have no excuse, thanks to the 30 Day Blog Challenge! 

Prompt: Describe a typical day in your life.

5:30am--I wake up and roll myself out of bed, because at this hour I am really, really tired. I then go and wash my face, because it helps me wake up.
5:40am--I try to wake my sister up if she missed her alarm. I grab my Bible, journal, and a pen, and start studying the word. Currently, I've been reading a lot of the Psalms, Isaiah, 1 Corinthians, and a few chapters from the Gospel of Matthew. After I read the word, I pray about what I studied that day and ask God for His companionship in my life as I do my best to apply His word to my daily life.
6:00am--Basically, after devotions, I make my bed, eat breakfast, get dressed and ready for school. 
7:00am--If we're on time, my brother, sister, mom, and I all load our stuff into the car, and drive to school.
7:25am--We arrive at school, and my mom gets set up for work (she's the head of the school), and my siblings and I entertain ourselves until 8:15 when we have to go to our classrooms.
8:15am--I say "bye" to my brother as he goes upstairs to his fourth grade classroom. My sister and I walk to the upper school building and set up our desk spaces in the high school room.
8:25am--Morning assembly with teachers, middle school & high school students. We pledge allegiance, pray, sing a hymn, and listen to important school announcements.
8:30am--Middle school students go to their homeroom class, as us high schoolers take our lunch orders and get ready for study skills DVD lectures and free work time. Since it's not September yet, we prepare for free work time instead of a high school devotion class which will likely start on the 6th.
8:35-10:35am--Free work time (Reading, art projects, planning) and/or study skills DVD lectures
10:35-10:45am--Break with Middle School & High School Students/Eat a healthy snack
10:45am-12:20pm--Continue free work time
12:20-1:00pm--Lunch with Middle School & High School Students
1:00-2:25pm--Finish free work time/DVD Lectures
2:25-3:15pm--This block depends on the day of the week. If it's Monday or Wednesday, I have a live art class that I attend. If it's Friday, I attend a community service class period. If it's Thursday, more free time! 
3:15-4:00pm--I pack up my stuff and get ready to come home.
4:00pm--Depart from school, and head home.
4:30pm--We all arrive home from school, and I unpack all my stuff and spend a few minutes in my room to organize my stuff or get comfortable. Sometimes when I come home and dinner is not happening soon, then I'll take the opportunity to grab a snack if I'm hungry.
4:45pm--Help with dinner, whatever homework I may have, or chilling in my room
5:00-6:00pm--Dinner with my family
6:00-7:30pm--Family time/finishing homework/music practice/chores
7:30pm--Start preparing for tomorrow's school day by ironing clothes or packing a lunch
8:00pm--I say "good-night" to my brother and parents and go to my room to hang out with my sister until we go to sleep at 10:00pm. Sometimes we'll watch videos until 9 and then read or play a board game until 10.
10:00pm--Turn off my lights, straighten up my room, charge my phone, set my alarm, and I go to sleep.

My days are pretty easy going since my online classes have not started yet. When I get into my class routine with electives and core classes, I will definitely have a lot more in my day. Maybe when that happens, I'll make another day in the life post.

I hope you enjoyed a tidbit of my everyday life! :)

Question for the Reader: What does your day typically look like?

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." --Colossians 2:6-8

The 30 Day Blog Challenge, Day 5: "I Have No Greater Joy"

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." --3 John 1:4

Usually I end my blog posts with a Bible verse, but today, it seemed more fitting to start with one. And the verse above is not just any verse that ties in with my post today, but it is one of my very favorite verses. When people ask me, "What is your favorite Bible verse?" I answer with 3 John 1:4, even though I have countless others that rank as my favorite. This is because I love waking up in the morning, and perhaps feeling awful about what might be in the day to come, but 3 John 1:4 reminds me that whatever happens, God loves me, and His favorite thing is to see me live the day for Him, walking with Him, in the truth.

Prompt: What are the 5 things that make you happiest?

Spending time with the Lord

Even though I have lived several days where I refused to do so much as sitting down for five minutes and praying, it is the days where I choose to say, "I'm going to live this day for God" that keep me joyful.

Beautiful Pictures/Experiences

I don't know what it is, but whether it's a picture of the sun coming through the trees, or a fence stained by a rainstorm, or perfectly green grass with budding flowers, I feel really happy. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be a picture, it could even be an experience, like seeing my brother kick a goal at an outdoor soccer game on a spring day or watching my dog try to catch a butterfly. Maybe that's my version of Maria's "whiskers on kittens" and "warm woolen mittens." (The Sound of Music)

Friends & Family

Nothing puts a smile on my face quicker than to put me in a room with the people that I care most about. Every week, I always have something to be grateful for, because my friends and family are always there to help me grow in the Lord and rejoice in His world.

Stories

When I was really little and didn't know how to write, I drew pictures. I used to draw ladybugs, trees, pictures of my favorite movies (one of my favorites is a picture of Boo and Sully from Monster's Inc.), and Bible stories (I have a picture of Moses as a baby on the river that I still vaguely remember drawing). My parents would give me little drawing books and stacks of copy paper for Christmas, because I refused to draw on both sides of the paper. I think the reason I did that was because to me, every piece of paper was a canvas, and an artist never uses both sides. As I grew older, I learned how to write, and I realized that all I ever wanted to do was to tell great stories, whether it was through drawing or writing. So even now, I still get a smile on my face when I hear the story of baby Moses on the river, or watch Monster's Inc., or read a great book like Pride and Prejudice, because I have always loved wonderful stories.

Comfort

I was going through my closet last week in order to organize my school clothes for the fall, and I could not believe how many sweaters I had, but the hardest part was to get rid of some of them. I think that's because each sweater had its own unique kind of comfort. Or sometimes in the winter, our family will have just got home from school and work, and we're freezing cold, but when we walk through the door, my dad has on the stove a humongous pot full of soup. And when I feel sad, I'll wear a sweater, sweatpants, and maybe some fuzzy socks or a pair of slippers, perhaps make a cup of tea, find somewhere peaceful and quiet in the house to pray, and think. Some people do similar things like that but won't admit it in fear that they seem vulnerable or pathetic, but really, we're all human beings, and we all find rest and happiness in something when it seems like joy isn't around. That's what I like about comfort. It leads the way to God when it seems like everything is messed up and joyless.

Questions for the Reader: What are your favorite things? What makes you happiest?

The 30 Day Blog Challenge, Day 3: Family

Sorry that I'm a bit behind on this challenge. I had to do an overnight babysitting job on Sunday and I've been pretty sick this week. I hope to do a bit of catching up today, but I might be a little behind over the next few days. So sorry!!! :(

Prompt: Describe your relationship with your family.

This is an easy and tough one at the same time, because while my family consists of people that I feel I couldn't live without, they have their flaws, and they have the capability to drive me nuts. I think all families are like that. While we all have our bad days in our families, our family is the people that we love for everything that they are.

I am in a family of 5, plus a dog. Dad, Mom, Me, Moriah, Caleb, and then Ace (the Jack Russell Terrier extraordinaire). Dad is the wisest in the family. All he ever asks of us is to listen to his words, to follow his instructions, and obey him, which is the way that he receives love. (God says the same, by the way in John 14:15, "If you love me, obey my commandments.") He's the administrative pastor at our church, and works from home, acting as the parent that is constantly available and prepared to suit our needs. Mom is the Wonder Woman of the family. She has a full time job as the head of one of the biggest and best classical Christian schools in Colorado. She's also a mother of three and director of the Family Ministry at our church. I look up to her every day as a teacher and a beautiful, intelligent, and godly woman. I'm the eldest of the three kids in our family. I have the faults of trying to be a peacekeeper, but that immediately turns into being the wallflower. On the other hand, I'm a junior in high school, a hard worker, good student, musician, teacher, and writer. (But some of you know enough about me already to figure that one out...) Moriah is the spunky, creative, pretty, and tall lady in our family. She's 14, and has a beautiful smile that lights up an entire room. She loves the Lord and praises Him everyday with her lovely singing voice. (Link to her blog: leighhillcountry.blogspot.com) Caleb (bless his heart) is the youngest boy in our family, a sweet gentleman who has as much patience as a dog waiting for a bone (because of his living with three women and everything.) He's very smart, especially with math, and loves to play soccer. 

My family is the group of people that I care most about in the world, and I'm glad I got to share them with you all! :)

Question for the Reader: What is your family like?

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." --Joshua 24:15b