3 Seconds of Envy

Yesterday on Facebook, I saw SEVERAL classmates and teachers post selfies of themselves in front of the beautiful masterpiece: "The School of Athens" by Raphael. 

Photo found: http://uploads5.wikiart.org/images/raphael/school-of-athens-detail-from-right-hand-side-showing-diogenes-on-the-steps-and-euclid-1511.jpg

This is one of my favorite paintings ever and right there, all over Facebook, were friends, classmates, and teachers alike taking in that masterpiece in person. And I wasn't there with them.

I was jealous. Not really jealous, but just enough to feel sad about my life for three seconds.

And friends, three seconds of envy can be DANGEROUS--to you, to your heart, to your thoughts, to your soul, to your relationship with God--ALL of it can be poisoned with just three seconds of envy.

That's when I decided to take about 60 seconds to reflect. 
While it is awesome that my friends saw a beautiful painting in person, does that make any part of my life worse? 
No, it doesn't. 

That's when I decided that even though my life often feels pretty mundane, it's actually really beautiful.

Even on my worst days, I go outside and see purple mountains and really green grass--painted and sculpted by the Lord of All Creation Himself! I think that tops Raphael any day of the week.

Be Grateful
If you ever find yourself in those poisonous 3 seconds of envy, STOP and take 60 seconds to be grateful for all of the days that God has made your life amazing in ways both big and small. (Here's a hint: there are billions of ways, whether you see them or not.)

Remember
After those 60 seconds of gratitude are up, remember that person you envied before. Remember that no life dedicated to God is better or worse than another life that is also dedicated to God. You are no better than anyone else, and no one else is better than you. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we all blend into one perfect, holy person--that's Jesus.

Challenge Yourself
The next time that you find yourself in those 3 seconds of envy, challenge yourself! Turn it into 3 seconds of rejoicing in that person's happiness. This is very hard to do, but don't forget that with God, all things are possible. You'll find that you will become just as happy as the other person and then all of a sudden, no one is happier than the other. 

At that point, when everyone is grateful and rejoicing in others' happiness, what do we have left to envy?

Cinderella Mornings

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to waste time? 

I've done some productive things today, but I'll be honest, I haven't accomplished much. I'm WAY too overwhelmed by my task list! All I want to do is snuggle my puppy, eat chocolate cake, and watch re-runs of The Carol Burnett Show.

I call mornings like these "Cinderella mornings." 

You can probably relate--those mornings where you look at your to-do list and become increasingly overwhelmed and then become paralyzed by the tasks before you. And then you start daydreaming, because, let's face it, any state of mind is better than the reality you're facing now, right?

I bet you anything Cinderella was like that (yes, I know she's fictional, stay with me). She'd wake up early in the morning, go about her morning routine, deal with her cranky family members, and get started on a to-do list as high as the ceiling in the house...and by the way, Cinderella will be cleaning every inch of it later on! Yet every now and then, when she had the opportunity, she'd stare and daydream about the castle out her window. "Will I ever get out of this?" she thought. "Will I ever see the day where I'll get to spend just an hour in that castle?"

That's when I think about heaven.

It's that place that we think about all the time.

"What will it be like after I leave the world? Will I have arrows that shoot hearts? Will I have wings and play the harp all day on a ceiling?" (Apparently today's theme is ceilings...) No!

Heaven is that place we've always dreamed of living in. It's the most perfect place there is. I think of heaven as the place where everyone gets to sing together in front of God (kind of like church worship service but you can actually SEE God right there!). It might have a small pasture with a summer breeze and cherry trees, and unlimited access to a library with billions and billions of books (happy, thought-provoking, beautiful books). 

And time with God, lots of awesome, precious, endless time with God. La la la... :) <3

And then I think about the evenings in heaven (that is, of course, if heaven has an evening). I've heard that in some cultures in the world, almost every night for family dinner, someone cooks a fabulous meal and everyone eats and talks about anything and everything for hours...and hours...and hours, on a rooftop, surrounded by growing, fresh, colorful vegetables in the night air. I think evenings in heaven will be like that. People spending time with one another in the most beautiful place imaginable, telling stories, sharing thoughts and memories, and getting to know God more, being completely unified with Him.

Selah.

Yup. That sounds way better than making vocabulary flash cards and studying for tests, but I can still have joy doing those things knowing that I won't be doing them forever! In the meantime, I'm setting aside that time for chocolate cake and t.v. re-runs. :)

"Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created." James 1:16-18 (NIV)

Delight

"Bliss."
1. supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment
2. (Theology) the joy of heaven
3. heaven; paradise

Synonyms: joy, happiness, delight.

(From http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bliss and https://www.google.com/search?q=Bliss+definition&oq=bliss+definition&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j0l5.4998j0j7&sourceid=chrome&es_sm=91&ie=UTF-8)

"Better is one day in your courts

than a thousand elsewhere;

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold

from those whose walk is blameless.

Lord Almighty,

blessed is the one who trusts in you."

--Psalm 84:10-12

I used to think of bliss as a distraction from the important things, but really, bliss is that place one step away from experiencing heaven. 

Bliss happens when you delight yourself in the Lord.

I read the passage above this morning in my quiet time, and this part stuck out to me: "no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless...blessed is the one who trusts in you."

God really does love His children. He doesn't spoil them, but He surely likes bless them...just because. 

For example, yesterday, while I was walking my dog around in my backyard, I saw that my favorite tree had almost lost all of its leaves. Looking down, I saw a multitude of beautifully colored leaves and collected a few:

 

Aren't they lovely?

They remind me of how beautiful God is and that while the world is constantly changing, there are still things that never change like beauty, love, truth, and goodness. 

My point is: delight yourself in the Lord. 

God gives blessings everyday, but it's hard to always recognize them. That's why it's so important to be on the lookout for the things that will catch your eye. They just might be presents from God telling you that He loves you and thinks you're amazing. :)

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." --Psalm 37:4

Two Poems Diverged

One of my new favorite movies, Dead Poets Society, mentions two poems that have struck me in these last few days. One is an excerpt from Henry David Thoreau's Walden about why one would go to the woods, and the other is a poem by Walt Whitman called "Oh Me! Oh Life!" which answers the ever-popular question, "Why are we here, in the world, and what is our purpose?"

The reason why I mention these two poems together is that they both attempt to answer this question with two different perspectives.

Henry David Thoreau wrote in Walden:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear, nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to 'glorify God and enjoy him forever.'"

Thoreau makes a very good point, that we are here to choose life over death, and to avoid the realization at the end of our lives that we had not lived.

Unfortunately, he says that "most men...have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to 'glorify God and enjoy him forever.'"

What a shame, to believe that such a glorious calling is nothing but a hasty conclusion!

If I were to visit the woods, this would be my purpose: to enjoy God and glorify Him. At this season of my life, I praise God every day for the trees. The leaves and their colors are absolutely captivating, and it my heart skips a beat realizing that God made me ruler of all of it (as well as you!); that you and I are in fact the crowning glory of those beautiful colors on the leaves, the constellations in the stars on the dark night sky, and the brightness that overcomes the cold morning air in the sunrise at the beginning of every day: that all of us were made to top those beautiful sights, and to give our glory back to the Lord (2 Peter 1:3-11, ESV).

I disagree with Thoreau: this is not a hasty conclusion at all. I did not come up with that conclusion on my own. It is in fact what I was assigned to do by the Voice of Truth Himself on the day He gave me breath (Jeremiah 1:5, ESV; 1 Corinthians 1:26-31, ESV). It's not a conclusion I made for myself: it's a calling.

I believe that Walt Whitman describes the facts of life much better: that amongst our hurt and pain, our hearts cry out, "Oh me! Oh life!" and "what could I possibly be good for?"

"O Me! O life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring-What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer. 
That you are here-that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse."

Whitman knows quite well that we are sad wretches, searching around the earth for an answer to what we are good for, what we were made for, and why we are here, still daring to live. The answer: that we're here! That we are a part of a beautiful story set all around us, and we are important characters in it! And that our lives will contribute a verse to the greatest play of all time.

As Professor Keating very well stated, "What will your verse be?"

Saying Good-bye to Peter Pan

I have a confession to make: I get upset, tired, and angry from time to time.

The other day I had a heated discussion with my mom (ok, it was more of a one-sided rant) with me going on and on and on about how terribly miserable I am and how difficult my life is. (I'm sorry to admit that I say stuff like that.)

Then my mom said three words that no child in the history of mankind has EVER wanted to hear from a parent: "Then move out."

I froze. "What?"

"Move out." She went on to say that she didn't exactly mean "Pack your things and get out of this house right now if you don't like it here. Good luck making it on your own." She didn't mean that at all.

She meant that I am pitifully dependent on my family...for pretty much everything.

I'm seventeen, and my habitat has been about the same as it has been since I was ten years old. My parents drive me everywhere, because I do not have a license. I can't go anywhere without having a family meeting and looking at our entire schedule. I can never say, "Hey, I'm going out of the house for a little while," unless I'm going to walk the dog, go for a run, or ride my bike...in the neighborhood.

I hardly ever go anywhere by myself because I usually go to events that my parents have planned for the whole family. Probably the only places that I go voluntarily are the gym, the library, school, church, and youth group. But then, I can't go to any of those places (except the library) without someone driving me (and then a family member usually attends those places with me). I'm at home a lot because I haven't been getting a driver's license so I can go to community college or get a job so I can make friends with classmates and co-workers.

This is my life right now, and the truth is: I've never really been bothered by it until now. I've always been comfortable following my family around like a dog on a leash, being driven everywhere, never having to worry about leaving the house.

My entire life is the definition of DEPENDENCE when my growth as a teenager demands that I find INDEPENDENCE. This doesn't mean rebelling against my parents, it doesn't mean "looking out for #1," or deciding that I'm right and everyone else is wrong.

It means deciding how I want to make an impact in the world, making decisions for myself, learning my own life lessons, and taking steps toward surviving as an individual under God...leaving childhood behind and becoming an adult.

Friends, this is a terrifying mission to accept.

Do you know how birds learn to fly? Young birds spend the beginning of their lives being fed by their mother and never leaving the nest. All they know is that tiny confined space consisting entirely of little sticks, cotton, and leaves. All they know is life with the other birds in their family. When the bird is ready to fly, do you know what happens?

It's quite fascinating: the mother starts to push her child out of the nest. And I don't mean a little shove to say, "If you want, you can go." No! I mean, the mother flaps her wings uncontrollably, kicking and pushing that little bird out of that nest. That's not saying "Hey, if you want, go ahead." That is saying, "Go. Go. Go now. GO! Fly, it's time. Right now. Ready, go!!!"

You know how that little bird responds at first, "What are you doing? Stop! It's too high! I can't! Please, I don't want to go. I'm scared!" Then finally, the mother gives one last push, and this story can have one of two endings: 1) either the bird decides not to fly and falls to the ground, hopeless, and in a lot of cases, dead; or 2) the bird starts to flap its wings and flies away--it soars in the air, leaving its dependence on its family behind, and discovering independence.

The process of independence is a little different for human beings, because leaving the nest and growing up doesn't traditionally happen within a few minutes. One thing I do know now is that I have to stop refusing to grow up, like Peter Pan. It's a great thing to accept adulthood--after all, most of my life will be spent as an adult--that is, if I decide to leave childhood behind. I think growing up will be a great adventure--an adventure that Peter Pan was too afraid to experience.

It will probably be another year or two before I leave my parents' house. I still have to graduate high school, I still need to get a driver's license, I still need to get a job, and find an ambition with which to glorify God (some people call that pursuing a career, but I think an ambition is more than that [this topic may be another blog post in and of itself]).

Now is the time where I begin taking the steps to accepting the challenge of growing up. It's the time where God writes the final pages of this first chapter of my life. Now is when He helps me figure out what's next.

Yes, the words "move on," "move out," "time to grow up," and "leave the nest" are terrifying.

On the other hand, I hear these strong words from God and the people who are ready to support me and cheer me on as I accept the daring challenge of grasping independence:

"You are ready. It's time to fly."

 "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

--1 Corinthians 13:9-13

Photo Credit: http://cartoonsimages.com/sites/default/files/field/image/waltdisney.jpg

Where is Death's Victory?

I wrote this post last night, and this morning at church we sang this song:

"Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory?...My God is not dead, he's alive! He's alive!"I think this is one of the best messages about Easter.

It's 10:27 pm, the night before Easter, and I've been thinking a lot about some of my secret fears.

One of them, I think I conquered today: for about a year now, I've been working on a piece by Charlie Parker on the alto sax called "Dewey Square." It's very difficult, and for the last few days, I was a little afraid to perform it...what if I messed up and completely ruined it? What if I'm not as good as I thought I was? What if all of that practice goes to waste? What if people think I stink at it? What if I made a mistake choosing to play the piece?

But I knew I had to.

Maybe I'm making this too sentimental, but when I first heard the original recording, I fell completely in love with it. It was fun, it was light, it was quick, and it felt like a song that entirely expressed overwhelming joy...and it's jazz. :)

So I learned it.

And then when the recital was coming up, and it was time for me to pick a tune to play, I couldn't choose any other one but Dewey Square.

Finally, approximately 5 hours ago as I write this, it was time for me to perform. I had never been so nervous leading up to a performance in my entire music career, probably because I've never worked so hard on a piece leading up to a performance before.

Let me introduce you to one of my secret fears: disappointing people. This falls under the same category of  perfectionism and unnecessarily killing myself to make everyone like me, when it will inevitably never happen.

When I walked on the stage for the dress rehearsal, a wave of peace overcame me, and the rehearsal was practically perfect. At the final performance though, I was a little bit more nervous knowing that this was "the real thing." I messed up a couple of times, but hardly anyone noticed. When I watched my dad's videotape of the performance, I could tell where I messed up, but I knew that was only because I was the one on stage.

Afterwards, I felt so happy to have finished it once and for all. I found myself asking, "Why was I ever nervous and afraid in the first place?"

Tonight, I just finished watching "The Book Thief." As some of you know, the story is narrated by death, which for most of the film, absolutely sickened me. It was gross to hear how death would think of a person and his/her life in general. It was quite condescending.

The very last line in death's narration was this: "I am haunted by humans."

Isn't that perfectly excellent? I could not have been more happier about that statement when I heard it.

After all of the revolting language that death had used to describe mankind, the truth comes out: death is afraid of us.

This leads me to my confession of another secret fear: anything related to death, ghosts, horror, or evil that is invisible to me, or surprises me.

It's a funny thing about fear though: fear is something that often comes from something we feel threatened by, or unloved by.

For most of my childhood, I have hated Halloween, especially haunted houses, haunted house rides, ghosts and disgusting, horrifying images on the neighbors' houses, and worst of all: people who would invite me to stare all these things in the face...and enjoy it!

The reason I dislike these things so much is because they are the absolute opposite of who God is. God is life. Those things are death. God is love. Those things are fear. God is amazingly good. Those things are dripping with evil. God looks out for me, and keeps me safe in His arms. Those things want nothing but harm for me...or at least want to laugh at my fear. God says, "I love you, I will keep you safe, and all is well. You are so important." Those things laugh at me and try to make me feel small.

When I heard that death is haunted by humans, I rejoiced to God.

THANK GOODNESS that Jesus has overcome the dead. Praise the Lord that Jesus overcame death, giving us the privilege to be sons and daughters of God: which gives us MUCH more power over death.

And that's why death is afraid of us.

Now I can go to sleep tonight knowing that I need not be afraid of death. In all of my years being afraid of things relating to death, I know now that death is much more afraid of me, taunted by me, and hates me, because through Jesus's crucifixion and resurrection, I am no longer a small, meaningless lie, like death is.

Because of Jesus, we now represent death's greatest conqueror, which we also celebrate in Jesus's resurrection today:

LIFE.

Happy Easter!

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." --1 Corinthians 15:54-58