I was sad today.
I don't know why.
I have no reason to be sad at all.
All of my friends and family are healthy. Everyone is safe.
I'm healthy. I'm safe.
At first, I thought, "Maybe I'm lonely..."
Yes. Maybe a little. But youth group is tomorrow. My siblings will be home from school in a couple of hours. I have no reason to be lonely. And God's here. He always keeps me company. For crying out loud, I spent nearly an hour socializing with a classmate today. We both live in the same state and plan on meeting in person soon, so I pretty much just made a new friend today! So how is it that I'm feeling lonely?
Yes. But a sweater can fix that. And the fireplace is on.
"It's too quiet."
I normally like quiet. What is wrong with quiet? And as I said before, my siblings will be fixing that in a couple of hours. :)
So why am I sad?
What am I longing for?
What's going on?
God's here. He's with me. He's keeping me safe, keeping me healthy, allowing me to breathe.
I'm in a warm and loving home.
All is very, very well.
But I still feel empty.
"So what lie am I believing here?" I asked God and my heart.
I have nothing to worry about right now, grace is abounding all around me, it's beautiful (and yes, cold) outside.
Is it guilt? Shame? Envy? Unrighteous anger? Lack of self-esteem? Fear?
I don't know.
There's always a battle between good and evil being fought around us. Evil can stir up feelings of sadness and self-pity even when everything in our heart and soul is screaming God's words that all is well.
Did you know that evil can even mess with us physically?
I've had backaches, pains, and toughest of all, headaches that have been extinguished by prayer and staring demons in the face saying, "Go away. In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to stop and leave!"
Yes, you and I have the authority to do that. Isn't that awesome?
I must warn you, though, evil doesn't always decide to obey you. That's when you pray for God to send angels and to use HIS power to help you conquer evil in that moment.
My headaches and backaches tend to go away after that.
Seriously. You need to try it sometime.
So here I am, fighting this battle occurring in my mind. I'm taking my own advice, commanding the evil forces to depart from me. And praying for angels to surround me. Declaring that I break all agreements with the enemy, that I repent and commit to follow the truth that comes from God. And finally, praying for the Holy Spirit to come into my head, heart, and soul to overcome emotions and feelings of pity and sadness.
And you know what?